Thursday, December 14, 2017

Նավակը

Մատներիցդ ծովի հոտն է գալիս,
Աչքերիցդ՝ արցունքներ:
Հիշե՞լ ես նորից,
Օրերը մեր:

Նավակի մեջ,
Ալիքների գրկում,
Ողջ աշխարհը մեր առաջ,
Ցամաք ու անշարժ օրեր մեր ետևում:

Գնացե՞լ ես նորից, նստել ափերին,
Դիտել ջրերին, ալիքներին,
Նախանձել իրենց
Թևերին:

Չկա նավակ, որ
Քեզ տանի, որ մեզ տանի,
Չկար նավակ՝ երբեք էլ չի եղել,
Մեր երազներն են մեզ թևեր տվել:

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Մարդկանց ու տերևների ձայնը

Ականջիս տակ լսում եմ տրորվող տերևների ձայնը: Մեքենաների ու խցանման ձայները արտասովոր չեն. դրանք միշտ էլ առավոտյան ժամերին ինձ արթնացնում են: Բայց տերևնե՞րը…ինչու՞ են այսքան մոտիկ թվում:


Մի հսկա բեռնատարի ազդանշանը գրեթե սիրտս կանգնեցնում է ու ես վեր եմ թռնում: Ավելի ճիշտ...պարզվում է արդեն վեր էի կացել: Ինչպե՞ս է հնարավոր. կանգնած եմ դրսում ու քամին հպվում է մարմնիս: Փորձում եմ աչքերս բացել, բայց կոպերս կարծես թե սոսնձած լինեն: Փորձում եմ բղավել, բայց բերանս նույնպես չի բացվում: Խուճապահար փորձում եմ վազել, քայլել, նստել, մի շարժում, ցանկացած շարժում անել, բայց ոտքերս մեխված են գետնին, փաթաթված իրար՝ ջրահարսի պոչի պես: Ի՞նչ է կատարվում: Ձեռքերս պարուհու պես վեր են պարզված և միայն կարողանում եմ դրանք չնչին թափահարել: Այդ ի՞նչ ձայն էր: Նորից եմ թափահարում և շուրջբոլորս կարկուտի պես կտկտոցներ եմ լսում: Սա երազ է, հավաստիացնում եմ ինքս ինձ, շուտով կարթնանամ:

Տերևի խշխշոցները այս անգամ ավելի մոտիկից են գալիս: Թվում է թե մի զույգ ոտքեր դեպի ինձ են քայլում: Կանգնեցին:

-Գիտե՞ս, բալա,-ասում է մի նուրբ ձայն,- գետնին լիքը կաղիններ կան: Վերցրու՛ մի հատը: Լավ, մի րոպե, թաթիկդ բա՛ց:

Մի փոքրիկ երեխայի տնքոց եմ լսում:

-Զգու՞մ ես,- ասում է մոր ձայնը,- կաղին է: Գետնին լիքը կան: Ուզու՞մ ես իջնես: Իջի՛, կռացի՛, զգա՛:

Եվս երկու զույգ ոտքեր են ավելանում տերևների վրա՝ փոքրիկ, աշխույժ, երանության գիրկն ընկած. զգացի տերևների իրարանցումից: «Հանգի՜ստ, հանգի՜ստ» ասելով ծիծաղում է մոր ձայնը: Երեխան հրճվում է, մինչ մոր ոտքերը իր հետևից կլոր-կլոր վազվզում են շուրջս: Ինչպե՞ս չեն նկատում ինձ:

Նետվում են տերևների մեջ և մի պահ դրանց ձայնը այլևս չի լսվում:

-Տերև,- ասում է մայրը,- փորձի՛ ասես: Տերև: Փորձի՛: Խնդրու՜մ եմ:

Ոչ մի ձայն չի հաջորդում նրա խոսքերին: Միգուցե փոքրիկը զարմացած հայացքով նայում է մորը: Միգուցե լուռ բերանը բացում-փակում է մոր բերանին համահունչ: Երանի տեսնեի փոքրիկի դեմքը. նա ոչինչ չի ասում: Մայրը խորը հոգոց է հանում:

-Ոչի՜նչ,- ասում է, փոքր-ինչ կամաց ու…տխուր,- Արի քեզ բան ցույց տամ:

Նորից խշխշում են տերևները: Կարծես քայլում են նորից: Մի գնացեք, խնդրում եմ, ուզում եմ գոռալ, բայց մոռացել էի, որ բերանս չեմ կարող բացել…կամ միգուցե չունեմ բերան: Շատ չանցած կանգ են առնում: Հանգստանում եմ և խորը արտաշնչում:

-Ձեռքդ տու՛ր,- ասում է մայրը ու մի փոքրիկ ձեռք եմ զգում՝ ավելի մեծի մեջ պարուրված: Մատիկները շոյում են ինձ: Չգիտեմ սարսափե՞մ, թե՞ ոգևորվեմ. տեսա՜ն ինձ: Բայց…բայց ինչու՞ չեն զարմանում:

-Զգու՞մ ես, անուշս,- լսում եմ մոր ջերմ ձայնը ականջիս տակ,-Սա՛ է ծառը:


Saturday, October 21, 2017

Why Jonah, God?

For me one of the greatest love stories ever written is the book of Jonah (in the Bible). The way God pursues Jonah, when he could have just found someone easier to deal with, melts my heart.

When talking about this story, our attention mostly goes to Nineveh and how God was so anxious to save its people from their own self-destructive ways. But was Jonah merely the means to accomplishing that? Or was he the ultimate purpose of God?

If you think about it, if God was merely looking for someone, anyone, to accomplish the “task,” I wonder why he chose to settle for Jonah. I mean, surely there must have been someone a little more willing. The dude clearly couldn’t care less about the salvation of the people of Nineveh - in fact, he was against it heart and soul - and was literally running away in the opposite direction. Last resort, God could have gone himself and spoken to the people. The real question, then, is why God was so insistent that it be him. So insistent, in fact, that he bothered to stir up the seas and create a huge storm so that Jonah would end up in the sea, then summoned a whale to swallow him up and keep him alive. And even after Jonah finally got off his butt and went to Nineveh to get his mission over with, God still wasn’t satisfied. He grew a plant to serve Jonah as a shade from the sun, then summoned a worm to eat it up. All of this so that he can have a conversation with him and reason with him, to get him to hear his heart and understand his perspective. (Isn’t it just so heartwarming how eagerly God wants Jonah to understand him?) Then when the plant was all withered away and Jonah was rather grumpy, God asked him, twice, if it was right for Jonah to be angry. When Jonah answered in the affirmative, God said the following, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left - and also many animals?”

The answer, then, to why it just had to be Jonah, an answer which took me years to understand and yet changed my life, is simply this: for Jonah's sake. He didn’t need Jonah to do him a favor; he was going to save Nineveh whether or not Jonah cooperated. In fact, I don't think God ever intended to punish Nineveh, just as he never intended to let any harm come to Jonah. But he wanted Jonah to become compassionate, to learn to love, and to enjoy the absolute satisfaction of helping others. Just as C.S. Lewis once said, "The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us.”

The words we would probably choose to describe Jonah would be arrogant, selfish, ungrateful, maybe even despicable. And most likely we’d be right. But that was no reason for God to stop loving him or to give up on him. He wanted him to become a better person for his own sake; God didn't have a problem, he already loved him as much as it is possible to love another soul. For me this whole book is just a love story. (And if you haven’t read it yet, please do, it’s only 4 chapters!)

And as a vegetarian, I just can't pass up the opportunity to mention how in the end, when God is reasoning with Jonah and trying to make him realize how important those people are to him, he also mentions the animals. God valued the animals too! Okay, now that it's out there and you know, I feel better.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Aleta

Four of us around the fireplace and only the sound of the fire filled the room. What was there to say?

My parents were looking blankly into the fire. Sean’s eyes were pacing around the room.

The sound of footsteps instinctively turned our faces towards the stairs. It was Aleta in her nightgown that hung loosely on her worn out body.

“There’s my little girl!” It was Sean, who leaped to his feet at the sight of his daughter, with a slight shiver in his smile. My parents stood up as well but said nothing. “I would like, to go out,” said Aleta with a weak smile, “to the water, if that’s alright.” For a short instance I caught Sean gazing wistfully at his daughter, before he retrieved his cheerful face. “Yes! Yes, of course!” He began running around, gathering anything he could get his hands on. “Right away, love! Just let me get a few things – there, some blankets, your deckchair. Some warm water perhaps, in the thermos! Yes, God knows it’s cold out there today!”

“Actually, I was wondering if, I could go with…Vince?” she looked at her father guiltily. The mention of my name startled me, as well as Sean, but he handed me the blankets and the folded deckchair and the thermos with a surrendering smile, then turning to Aleta, gently wrapped her coat around her shoulders. “Thank you...dad.” She smiled weakly. He took her hands and began swinging them playfully, resisting the urge to pull her into a hug. There was no need for such foolish things. As if he needed to hug her goodbye every time he let her out of his sight. He could be so irrational sometimes - she was going to come back. This wasn’t their last parting. Of course he knew that. But the final look I saw on his face before I shut the door behind us was that he didn’t know.

We walked on quietly and stopped just as the waves were about to touch the tips of our shoes. I opened the deckchair and helped her on it, wrapped her legs with one of the blankets her father had handed me and spread the other one on the sand for me to sit on.

She leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and inhaled the ocean air deeply. “You know how, how many nights I spent dreaming of this, this moment...and yet, I could never dream this smell.” She smiled down to me with her eyes slightly squinting from the sun peeking out behind the clouds. I waited impatiently to find out why she had really asked me to come here with her, alone. She must have noticed the nervousness on my face, for immediately she became serious and reached out for my hand. I let her hold it and she stroked it with her thumb before speaking.

“You know, I’ve been thinking, about the day we went to that, lousy bookstore, remember? Muffins something - what was it called?”

Word Muffins.” I smiled at the memory. We had asked the shopkeeper for The Lord of the Flies, and thinking that it was a book about flies, he had explained to us regretfully that they only sold fiction. We had apologized for our “mistake” and, barely holding our laughter, had burst out of the store. “I remember.”

“Yeah.” For a moment her eyes got lost in reverie as she gazed at the setting sun. But then her smile faded as she turned to me.

“After that, we sat down somewhere near that place, on a bench in some park, remember?” she continued, now looking serious. “And you were telling me, about the - the bullies in your school.” I felt myself pulling away. Why was she bringing this up?

“I know you said, you’d never forgive them. Or yourself. You’d been too weak, to defend yourself, hadn’t you?” Why was she doing this to me?

“What I wanted to say was,” she continued, now leaning back, “I spent so many years, just angry. So many nights, I tossed and turned in bed, replaying in my head over and over, how certain people hurt me, or humiliated me. ‘How could they get away with that?’ ‘How could they think that they could treat me that way and not pay for it?’ I couldn’t rest, you know?

“But now I’m here,” she smiled, looking at the cottage she had chosen to spend her final weeks in. I frowned; I hated that cottage. “And all those people, what they did, it hardly matters to me anymore. I wish I’d known that sooner, you know?” She smiled at me like the warm sun and squeezed my hand.

I nodded. I only wish that back then I had truly understood what she meant.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Has Science Made God Irrelevant?

“One can't prove that God doesn't exist, but science makes God unnecessary” [1]. These words by Stephen Hawking, who was one of the leading faces of modern physics, perfectly sum up the perception that many scientists hold on the issue of the relationship between God and science. In fact, that perception is so common among scientists and academics that sometime during my university years, the doubts creeped into my head and made me wonder whether all my years of relationship with God and all the experiences I had had with him had been my imagination. Thankfully that period did not last long, but thanks to the questions I asked and the answers I received during that time, my faith in God became all the more stronger.

I remember asking him one day to show me through science that he was real (and probably forgot about that prayer the next day). Coincidentally or not, I ended up taking an “Introduction to Relativity” course as an elective (even though I am an English major and, sadly, have nothing to do with physics) and spent the whole semester trying to wrap my head around the most basic concepts of Einstein’s theory. I’m not sure how much of it I was actually able to grasp, but it turned out that it was enough for me to understand a random YouTube video I ended up watching, which explained what the nature of a being outside of the three-dimensional world would be like, which sounded so much like God! If I hadn’t taken that course, I would not have understood - and maybe not even watched - that video. Somehow, at the time, that video was the sign I needed from God, because it showed that science could at least be open to the possibility of the existence and relevance of a god. It seems silly to me now that I could ever doubt those things, but at that point, I was only at the beginning of the long and exciting journey I began of reading, asking questions, and being fascinated by the answers I found, and I just want to share some of my discoveries with you in hopes that they will somehow contribute to your quest of finding the truth.

I found that one of the main reasons for the belief that science has made God irrelevant is a wrong comprehension of God. When the people of less developed eras could not explain a certain occurrence in nature, they attributed it to God, because their limited understanding of nature did not leave room for a better explanation. For instance, if they saw lightning, they would explain it by saying that God was angry. They used the concept of God to fill the holes in their knowledge and explain what they could not understand. This perception of God is known as “God of the holes.” Quite naturally, many scientists argue that since science can now explain why lightning happens, we no longer need any “magical being” to explain it. From this perspective, it is understandable why scientists might reject God.

However, Christianity suggests that God is not a God of the "holes" but of the "whole"; he does not fill gaps, but has created the whole universe in the first place. As an illustration of this point, imagine a man who sees a light bulb for the first time in his life. He does not know how it works, but is awestruck every time the bulb emits light. But because he cannot provide a scientific explanation for that process, he concludes to himself that there must be a small magical creature inside of it that emits the light. However, as his knowledge of electricity expands, he gradually begins to understand and explain the scientific process behind the emitted light. He then looks back at his previous assumption of the small magical creature and laughs at how ridiculous it was. If we give God the role of the little magical creature to explain the universe, it would be rational to dismiss him once the mysteries of the universe are solved. But if we see God’s relation to the universe as Thomas Edison’s relation was to the light bulb, then the argument changes. Understanding how the universe works does not exclude the need for it to have been created. Even if it were possible for science and technology to develop to the point of understanding the whole universe and how it works, it would not yet mean that God was no longer needed.

According to John Lennox, an Oxford professor of mathematics, it is not science that makes God irrelevant, but rather, it is atheism that makes science irrelevant [2]. He explains that according to the theory of evolution, our minds are an end-product of a “mindless unguided process” and asks whether any arguments made by such minds can be trusted [2]. The minds of the scientists are no exception to this. Therefore, a question rises about the credibility of such minds when they make observations, arguments, and discoveries, and come up with theories.

Scientists assume that the universe is rationally intelligible; otherwise, they would not dedicate so much time to observing and trying to explain it. The very fact that atheist scientists make arguments against the existence and relevance of God shows that they are intelligent and rational beings. But where did that intelligence come from? Just as it is unlikely for a whole universe to have emerged from nothing, it is not reasonable to assume that intelligence and rational minds could emerge from a mindless matter.

There have also been many attempts to refute the existence of a creator and diminish God’s relevance to the birth of the universe. In his famous book “The Grand Design,” Stephen Hawking writes, “Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing...it is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going” [3]. However, in a response article, Lennox points out that laws do not have a creative nature but merely a descriptive one [4]. The universe could not have been created by the law of gravity, because laws simply describe what already exists. From that perspective, if gravity did already exist, then there must have been someone who created it.

If can be inferred from these points that it is not science that is against God, but some scientists, and the claims of scientists about science aren’t always necessarily true. However, history also shows that there have been many scientists that saw no conflict between faith and science; in fact, their belief in God made their scientific discoveries all the more meaningful. What better example of this than the fact that carved on the wooden door of the Cavendish Laboratory, the place where DNA was first discovered, is the Bible verse, “The works of the Lord are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein” [5]. When Isaac Newton discovered the law of gravity, he did not say, “Great, now that we can explain gravity, we no longer need God.” He marveled at how amazing God was to have created it! What these and many more examples show is that belief in God did not hinder these intellectual people from pursuing answers about our universe by merely stating that “God did it,” but it actually made it more exciting for them to explore and discover the amazing works of God’s hands. C.S. Lewis, a Christian apologist who was once an atheist himself, put it perfectly when he said, “Men became scientific because they expected law in nature and they expected law in nature because they believed in a lawgiver" [6].

This lawgiver is not a distant or indifferent God, but one that has revealed himself and continues to do so time and time again to his beloved creation. There are so many mysteries and amazing things in the universe that he is so excited to reveal to his people to amaze and excite them, but when scientists shut him out and try to make those discoveries on their own, they are actually doing a disfavor to themselves. They are refusing the help and guidance of the one who made the universe and knows its every secret and, therefore, they are limiting themselves. But when people are open to hearing God speak to them, they can make discoveries that even they did not expect. The documentary film “The Star of Bethlehem,” produced by Frederic Larson and Stephen McEveety, is a wonderful example of that. The documentary describes the story of how Dr. Larson, a lawyer with no particular connection to science, got interested in the mystery of the Biblical star and slowly unraveled its mystery [7]. He discovered the scientific evidence that both explains and proves that unusual occurrence of the star that marked the birth of Christ. He wasn’t even a scientist, but merely because he was open to cooperating with God, instead of trying to figure things out on his own, through him God revealed one of the greatest mysteries of the Bible and of all human history.

But why is any of this relevant? Why is it relevant whether God is relevant or not? Can’t we just be content without knowing? C.S. Lewis once said, “Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important” [8]. If God is real, then everything he says about our identity, origin, and purpose of creation applies to everyone. On the other hand, if it is not true, then it applies to no one. He cannot be partially true or true only for those who choose to believe him. If he is real, then he is real despite people’s choices to believe or disbelieve in him or to render him relevant or irrelevant.

Our ideas about our identity and the value and purpose of our life change drastically based on the stance we take on this issue. That is why I believe that this question is central to everyone’s life and it is important for you to know what you believe. The wonderful thing about the God of Christianity is that he wants to be known and to reveal himself; therefore, contrary to popular belief, it is possible to know for sure whether or not there is a God and it is possible to get to know this God, learn about his character, hear his voice, and even have a relationship with him. It’s normal to have doubts and questions and it is also okay to ask those questions to God and ask him to show you - through science, if necessary - that he exists. He is not afraid of questions - in fact, he loves them, because they create the possibility of dialogue, friendship, and revelation. He has promised that those who seek him will find him and, from my experience, I can testify that he never breaks his promises.

Sources

1. Watt, N. (2010, September 7). Stephen Hawking: 'science makes God unnecessary’. Retrieved from http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/stephen-hawking-science-makes-god-unnecessary/story?id=11571150
2. [The Veritas Forum]. (2015, June 19). Has science made God irrelevant? John Lennox and Christopher DiCarlo discuss at Toronto [video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5YDmkAyiO4
3. Hawking, S., Mlodinow, L. (2010). The grand design. New York, New York: Bantam Books.
4. Lennox, J. (2010, September 3). As a scientist I'm certain Stephen Hawking is wrong. You can't explain the universe without God. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1308599/Stephen-Hawking-wrong-You-explain-universe-God.html
5. Cavendish Laboratory. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cavendish_Laboratory
6. Lewis, C. S. (1947). Miracles. London, UK: Collins.
7. Larson, F. (Producer), McEveety, S. (2007). The star of Bethlehem [Motion Picture].
8. Lewis, C.S. (1942, March 24). God in the dock: essays on theology and ethics. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Eerdmans Publishing Company.

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