Then I can claim to have tasted friendship’s fire.
If ever it were possible to love a stranger,
Then I've long tied my heart to galaxies beyond my own.
If ever it were possible to belong in a place one had yet to find,
Then I can hope for a place for me in this infinite universe.
I have been a wanderer in my own life,
A stranger to my own self,
With only my dreams, my nightly dreams,
If ever it were possible to love a stranger,
Then I've long tied my heart to galaxies beyond my own.
If ever it were possible to belong in a place one had yet to find,
Then I can hope for a place for me in this infinite universe.
I have been a wanderer in my own life,
A stranger to my own self,
With only my dreams, my nightly dreams,
Whispering secrets to me about my inner world,
Through symbols I fathomed into meaning.
It is the stars I befriended,
Because they are way too far to burn me when they explode,
Their effusion much too small to my eyes to blind them.
And yet, and yet, and yet…
Through symbols I fathomed into meaning.
It is the stars I befriended,
Because they are way too far to burn me when they explode,
Their effusion much too small to my eyes to blind them.
And yet, and yet, and yet…
I find myself silently wishing,
When I witness the death of such a light,
That its loss can be replaced by a love that is returned;
(Because love can only be returned if it's close enough to touch).
But what I should wish,
When such a star fades,
Is that I shall have the courage to claim such a love,
And not run away in fear of burning...
When I witness the death of such a light,
That its loss can be replaced by a love that is returned;
(Because love can only be returned if it's close enough to touch).
But what I should wish,
When such a star fades,
Is that I shall have the courage to claim such a love,
And not run away in fear of burning...
Christiana, that is very good. I would suggest that you work on paragraph four some more. In general, I would work on the poem some more. It is a very good poem, but it could be much better. I will try to look at it later and give some suggestions, if you want. I like it a lot.
ReplyDeleteThis is a well thought out poem and I am impressed but you could tighten it up some and punch up the wording, I think. In the first paragraph, how about you said, "if it were possible to befriend the stars, then I could claim friendship's fire"?
ReplyDeleteIn the second paragraph, how about my heart is tied to galaxies beyond my own? Just suggestions you know. You could also say, I've tied my heart to galaxies beyond my own and make it an active sentence. I think a stronger verb would be good here.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think I would drop the modal verb in paragraph one and say something like, I claim friendship's fire to be my own. Sounds stronger to me.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good poem! Very emotive.
ReplyDelete